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I Remember the Day She Collapsed

By Jeff Root

I killed my own mother. Or at least that’s what I thought for the longest time. I can still remember the day she collapsed in the hallway right in front of me. Her last words were “Jeff, I’m dizzy, ”  before she laid face down. That’s the moment I called 911. Before the operator could even answer, I had my 250 pound mother flipped onto her back. Mind you, I’m 165. I knew what I was going to have to do —C.P.R. I just needed some…confirmation. The 911 operator went about her training and stated, “911, WHERE is your emergency?” I rambled off the address of our home, and the state that my mother was in without being asked. She confirmed that my mind was where it needed to be. Good. I’m not losing my mind. She walked me thorough how to perform C.P.R., so that’s what I did. Breath into her mouth twice with her nose plugged. Press on her chest 15 times. Repeat Again. And again. And again. And again.

Somewhere during this process I decided to go and open the door because I knew an ambulance, armed with the most technological advancements of medical science, was on its way. I had to stop though. Was that the mistake I made that killed her? No matter. The choice was made. Back to what I had originally started. I informed the operator that I stopped to open the door so the ambulance crew could easily identify our house. Our house wasn’t exactly on a main road, or easy to find. Breathe, breathe. Press, press, press, press, press, press, CRACK!!!!!!! “WHAT THE FUCK??” was my first thought. Even though I knew what just happened. I just broke her ribs. That same instant, my mind went to: did I do something wrong? Is that supposed to happen? Should I keep going? Should I stop? Should I only breathe into her mouth now? Is there a different process now? I just killed her. Didn’t I? That’s when the tears started to fall. My moment of weakness during the whole ordeal. I knew the 911 operator knew I was about to panic. And so did I. But before the 911 operator could tell me, “you’re doing a good job, sir,” I had already sucked it up and had my mind back in instinct mode.

15 minutes is an eternity when you’re waiting for an ambulance. They finally showed up. They dragged her out into the living room, hooked her up to a defibrillator and stuck a tube down her throat. They squeezed on that bladder to make her breathe. They shocked her with high voltage to reset her heart rhythm. They failed to do so. I can’t believe I had to be the one to say, “she’s gone” and mean it. I had to be the one to call her parents, my grandparents, at 2 in the morning, keep my composure, and break it to them gently. That’s what I planned on doing, but that’s not what happened. I remember that phone conversation.
 “Uuuhhello?”

“Grandma?”

“Mmyes?”

“Mom collapsed in the hallway, aaaaaand an ambulance crew is here aaaaand……they called it.”

“Called what?”

“Shes GONE GRANDMA!!!!”

“OH MY GOD JEFFERY!!! I’ll wake grandpa up and we’ll be on the way.”

“I’m sorry grandma.”

“It’s not your fault Jeffery. See you when we get there. I love you.”

“Love you too.”
Click.

Then I had to call my younger brother and his wife. He wasn’t too receptive to getting a phone call at 2 in the morning either. By that time the only ride that I could arrange was via police. Who really wants to be in the back of a cop car? But it was the best I could do. They offered, so why not take advantage of my tax dollars? They’ve put me in lock down countless times, might as well get something good out of it, right?
After everyone in the vicinity that I had woken arrived, the chaplain said a prayer. I came to grips with reality a little bit. All of her closest family standing above her corpse, each and everyone of us closed that prayer differently.
Amen. Bahai. Blessed be.
We all had a different idea of what the afterlife was.
We all had our own dreams.

I fought as hard as I could to keep her house, but it wasn’t meant to be. That was her house, not mine. I had to walk away. A few weeks later, I packed my back pack. grabbed my tent, and set out on foot. I didn’t have any idea where I was going, but I ended up where I was meant to be: homeless. The bank came and repossessed the house. I left before they could come face to face with me about it. I knew what was going to happen, I knew I couldn’t afford that place on my own. I tried for 3 months. After that, I was falling short. I knew I had to move on. I knew that wasn’t MY dream. That was hers.

Her death was the most devastating event of my life.
It was also the most liberating.
I gave up her dreams. And started chasing my own.
For a while I thought my dreams included my ex, alcohol, and eventually, methamphetamine.
In the past 3 years since her passing I’ve given up the white dope, moved the green dope from the category of necessity to luxury. The same for alcohol. It may not be much, but its better than I’ve ever done in my entire life. I have my name on one of the most expensive apartments in the entire city now. Not much holds me back anymore. I have some more shit I need to accomplish.

And by the way, I didn’t kill my mom. It took a woman who had been a nurse longer than I’ve been alive, and broken more ribs doing the same thing for the same reason, to convince me otherwise. Thank you so much grandma. Sorry I had to unload on you. But thank you for not smacking the living fuck out of me for being so stupid when I asked you, “do you know what its like to break somebody’s ribs?” and then realizing at that moment you’ve broken hundreds, if not, thousands, of them, before you could say
”yes, I do,” and realize that you weren’t lying.
That’s quite a legacy for you to live up to mom. That’s quite a legacy for me to fulfill myself.
Forgive me for failing. But I’m at least going to try.
I had to start somewhere, right?
I no longer wonder if you’re proud of me,
because I am, and that’s what it has always been about, right?


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Life in the Eyes of a Living Ancestor

by Fred Perry

Life in the eyes of a living ancestor…
Life, sweet beautiful life. Life is so amazing that the littlest things to some seem like an early Christmas gift to me. It caresses my soul, the wonders of this universe and all the other galaxies out there, what’s out there? If only there was a way to know. A way to explore the universe like we explore the streets. I envy Star Wars saga, I would love to see the crazy questions that builds up inside me that I feel like wont be answered. Like who else is out there? We can’t be the only existence out here, if we’re here who’s to say there’s not others in this solar system or in other galaxies out there questioning the same thing. Growing up, loving, exploring, entertaining, doubting, like us. Maybe there is a planet of souls where we all go after passing, a beautiful place mistaken for the clouds in the sky. With no leader or followers, just the thing we’ve been living, learning for all the time here, as if here is a test of the strength of our souls, that what we learn (In LIFE not school) reflects that one day we’ll say goodbye to living and time to die. Maybe dead is another type of living not the opposite, that dead is what we are in the after-world as we are living in this now-world. Where time isn’t a factor because for the rest of solar existence we will roam that planet, the planet known as rest, a long vacation we go to rest forever.


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Are You Expanding?

by Jyoti Conradi

Are You expanding? Are you becoming larger and more free every day?

You and Your world is meant to constantly enlarge…expand… this is the Nature of LIFE and Your IN-Born Evolutionary Purpose unfolding from the center of your Being… This is Your Spirit calling You to expand beyond it’s previous limitations and karma of your Soul – into Your Fullness … like the phoenix rising from the ashes of Your previous conditions, your previous beliefs, your previous limited experiences…

Every limitation you face… I mean every limitation you face… you are meant to Evolve Beyond – not cower or withdraw or feel victimized, beaten, alone, etc … this is You UN-living your life …Your life, un-lived – this is believing in external seeming limitations and fear instead of Who You Really Are!

No longer allow your self cower in defeat! You are the Brimming Glory of Your Very Precious Life – You are the Champion… You already have all the necessary support you will ever need! Let’s face it – You cannot count upon another person to save you, rescue you, or even support you in your emotional “need” – You Are this for Yourself, You have the innate capacity to BE your own greatest support (I can show you)  – and then the MAGIC is that you will never again “need” for anything outside of you – as when you ARE that for Your Self first, everyone in your life gets the “unspoken memo” and lines up in favor of You… in support of You -because YOU are in support of You first.

People will come to TRUST You because you are trust-worthy when you value and support your Self first. Then, you have the capacity to support others, from Overflowing JOY … not obligation. As you Honor Your Self, others naturally Honor you. As you appreciate the Miraculous Being that YOU are and LOVE your Self UNconditionally – You experience that mirrored back to you in numerous relationships. It cannot BE any other way in this dualistic, polarity we are living within.

And if you have a body, you are living in polarity. And… YES… the polarities are shifting and becoming less (harshly) dualistic upon our magical ball of Life spiraling though the Universe that we call Earth – Home – Gaia – Mother … and as long as you have the GIFT of Life here … You are 100% … yes 100 Percent responsible for allowing the Miracles that you seek, the preferences that you prefer, the life that you have imagined.

You are NOT at the mercy of anything external to You. Everything external to You is an Effect… the CAUSE is within You.

You are a huge morphic field generator that manifests AS Your Life, as your world, as the people whom you live and interact with. They will do what they do (effect) and they will show up in your life the ways that they do (effect) as You are the FULL (yet awakening consciously) generator of your experience. You, and the unseen blueprint constellations within your Soul are the Cause of every experience in your life.

No it is not self punishment….the life that you are living…the disconnection, the fear the seeming lack that you experience. It is just the unconscious patterns and constellations(stirring in their evolutionary spiraling path of transformation) in your SOUL that you were born with – that only Your Spirit and Your Love can transform and evolve.

This is what this time is about! The Poles within YOU are shifting, not the Earth’s poles! You shift your polarity every time you Transform and evolve the (cause) constellations and patterns of limitations in your very own Soul. You are meant to evolve! Now. You are meant to evolve beyond these old contracts, limitations, hesitations, restrictions, karmic ties – they can be forgiven, released permanently and completed NOW – without the need for living it all out in the illusion of time and lifetimes…! No therapy can help you here baby! Its built within You – not as a structure or method outside of you to control, identify, name, quantify, or “heal” the drama for you to be able to “live” with it all and “deal” with life. No – this is Radical Transformation, from within the center of your Own Being.

This is the NEW Life, the NEW possibility… the NEW Potential .. available to You now.

Don’t bother trying to get your mind to understand “how?” – we are talking about a space from far beyond where your mind can currently go. And, this space is creating what your mind has the ability to perceive and think… Although we can help the mind to understand it’s place in the new order of things…

This is why all the “self help” and “healing” techniques have failed you.

All these systems are predicated upon using your mind to follow something that someone else had “success” with, (even if it is beyond conscious, cosmic or “energy work”) and in so doing You unknowingly negate Your Own Living INtelligence within YOU that Knows the Way…that is constantly calling you to FREE Your Self and Evolve beyond your limitations… NOT through hard work, therapy, or linear processes, protocols, techniques, or even belief systems or “better” morphic fields… All these roads lead eventually to delusion or the illusion of “healing” while the cause of the wound still lives and you, and your life, become more crippled and small while your thoughts tell you that “I am healed!”

What? Why? Because the Universe is manifest in Perfect Balance in Polarity. If you “do” a “technique” (effect) to “remove” a “negative state” or dis-ease in your life (effect) without upgrading and re-balancing your Self (Soul Blueprint Constellations) in Polarity, something else of that same frequency vibration WILL fill the void in your life – the space in Your Polarity cannot be filled with “higher energy or light” as many “healers” tell you … those vibrations and frequency oscillations cannot not fit into the void that the previous limitation filled. And, the challenge that you faced will be faced again and again until you shift into a Higher Polarity Balance. Your void will be filled with another experience / effect (usually in another aspect of your life) of the exact same vibration of what you believed you “healed.”

This is the result of working effects, no matter how well-intentioned. In order to allow Transformation and Evolution – you must address the Cause. The Cause is ALWAYS in the Soul. Your Soul is the Blueprint Template of Manifestation and Limitation for every aspect of Your Life. It CAN be upgraded, in fact, it is meant to! Your Soul is the vehicle template of manifestation of EVERY experience, condition, belief system, etc… in your life. If you want to change anything in your life – you must address the cause of it in your Soul. Otherwise, it will be lifetimes of work, struggle, and you will never reach your Potential to Evolve and Transform All Life – Living Miracles every day, naturally.

Now … Your current polarity is in harmony with the entire Universe right now, no matter how “bad” you may be feeling or experiencing your life. This is a Universe of Perfect Balance and Polarity. When Your polarity shifts, you shift naturally and immediately what is possible for others through shifting the Global and Universal Polarity. Yes. You are that powerful, and that important to all life.

As you Truly evolve and advance through Love, as Love… You automatically open to transforming and evolving your Soul’s constellations of Polarity limitations – Your entire life is balanced in a whole new paradigm of polarity… a much less harsh polarity, where you have a large degree of neutrality, where before your polarity had one tiny point of neutrality. The larger your space of neutrality, the larger you expand through Love and the more happy and at peace you live. You live from a higher octave of polarity.

How? you ask… Well, there is no “how” that the mind can follow. There are no “steps” to climb to be “worthy enough” there is no manual or formula to complete, there is nothing to “earn” or “acquire” or “reach” in order to access and Live from the Love that You are – which IS the most Powerful Technology we have! And, it is within You!

The Transformation happens as You are ready and willing to stop the search for more information and simply BE – right in the center of it all – then, Transformation and Polarity shift can occur right through you – Simply, Permanently, completely… transforming EVERY aspect of Your life – upgrading what you are capable of Living, Being, Doing, Experiencing, and Enjoying!

Your polarity Shifts! And…

You still have a form, a body, and life complete with relationships, family, etc… yet, you are living from a different polarity paradigm that is much less harsh in the dualities you have known previously. You are able to see and know and feel things from new levels and have a clear knowingness of Being. You can see the True intent behind the actions and behaviors of others…(invaluable!) You can see where everything is Sourced from. You experience a higher level of constant joy and happiness that is free from condition or reason. You find that you are inspiring and uplifting others simply by breathing. You see that You have such a very important purpose here upon this spiraling ball of life – and You Know Deep Compassion for others and how they live.

You no longer need to “shield” and “protect” yourself from the harshness of life, or the insanity or chaos of others … you are ok with it all, just as it is… because You are ok with You and the Dynamic Miracle You are Living as Your Life. You know your Purpose and You simply live it without trying…

If you are still using your mind to guide your life, this is especially difficult to grasp, and only increasing in difficulty until you allow Your Heart – which has a much higher intelligence than your mind, to open, create, and guide your life beyond anything you can imagine. Yes… beyond anything you can imagine, beyond anything You are now capable of imagining. Your mind is a limited tool, meant to be the re-aligned as the Devoted Servant to your Heart…

The mind creates necessary structures for functionality in form. And the aligned mind will create expandable structures that evolve with the Directives of the Heart, and will also be willing to abandon outworn structures instantly without regret when the Heart spirals instantly into a new higher paradigm of Living. The mind will then align and say “Yes, I am here is service of all that you Love.”

All structure is ultimately meant to be evolved beyond entirely. This is the dichotomy of the mind and the struggle of the ego. After all, structure is the effect. First and Primary and everlasting eternally is the Cause. The Cause lives in You and through You as the Impulse to Expand Love and Life … and to Transform anything that stands as limitation. This is what is meant by evolution.

We are the Creators of our Experience of Reality. We evolve through Love, as Love is here to expand what is possible now and forevermore. Love is the Answer to all.

And yes, in our current world, the male dominance in our culture (left brain logic dominant orientation) has led to the sacrifice of the Sacred Heart (right brain connection to the Source of All – Our Heart Intelligence that sees, understands and Knows without knowing the “how” first.)

Within our Sacred Heart Lives our Innate Knowingness with the most elegant Divine Evolutionary Design encoded within it to Transform and Evolve our Soul – without the need for struggle and suffering and lifetimes of karmic debt repayment adn soul limitations.

You can trust your Heart to naturally place you smack-dab in the middle of the areas of your life that are Open to Evolving. The Heart expands – this is it’s True Nature. When You look at the True Nature of ALL LIFE – it Expands. The whole universe and all creation is in a constant state of expansion – and yes, there are periods of natural rest and rejuvenation, yet the larger cycles are always in motion – no matter how you divide it, quantify it, limit, or segregate it with your mind – you cannot stop it. You are part of it – You are part of the Infinite Expansion of Life. and, All the parts of You that try to keep you safe and small must be sacrificed in devotion to the Sacred Heart that lives within You.

No worry, No fear. Let it go.

Yes, let … it … go …

now is the perfect time!

feel how your breath is deepening now …

feel how your mind is slowing …

Feel how you are able to notice the light and space around you …

the nuance …

the context …

it is not you …

Are You in … ?

Notice … you are now aware of the subtle sounds and nuances of context around you …

notice how your lungs feel more able to Breathe … fully …

… the letting go of your whole body through your exhale, like weight being dropped …

breath being expanded …

yes…

You are safe …

You are free to let it all go …

let it all go…

Now…

You can walk Your path, knowing you are aligned with the Love that You are – with Your Heart guiding You free… guiding you home…into this very moment – this very experience.

It is all so rich with context, nuance, subtlety, color, light, sound, smell, nectar of life all holding you within this elegant moment …

See how the whole Universe Loves You …

Holds You …

Yes …

This is your life …

You are not what you have thought.

You are not what you have the capacity to think.

You are infinite Love – You can only BE experienced …

and You can only experience from your Self …

see how your surroundings were made up …

look around …

Feel the infinite nature of Life surrounding you –

Allowing this virtual reality experience … for your benefit …

This is temporary.

All of this is temporary.

Everything you thought that you were is temporary.

All your thoughts are temporary.

Your body is temporary.

Your mind is temporary.

Your children are temporary.

Your mate is temporary.

Your Life is temporary.

Who are You ? then? now?

Do you see?

You are a dancing particle of Infinite Light made manifest in temporary form … You are made manifest through the vehicle of LOVE …

Love is Who You Are …

If you are still afraid to Do what, and more importantly BE WHo You Are…
You must throw off the limitations, the lacking nagging voices that are here to keep you “safe” and take command of this ship through the vehicle that brought you into this manifest experience of form – Love.

Love is generated and connected to Infinity through your Heart…and let me tell You – it can MOVE MOUNTAINS and create, manifest, or release anything instantly! Love is the most powerful technology we have upon this planet and within this Universe!

This is what breathes You… Love

Love is Who You Are.

I am here in Devotion to You.

I see You.

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ending and beginning

by Ouda Baxter
1
We all get a chance
to reinvent ourselves
daily, even
and in this time, this loop of a year
where the ending and the beginning are so close
and touch
the snake begins eating his tail
here, at this place, this crossroads
we shed our skin
to grow glistening scales
anew
and in this place
our seedpods might open
and cast out
our promise,
that the wind
may carry
us, this part of ourselves
far
and away.


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12.21.2012

by Jess Everett

12.21.2012

Revolution.

It’s our evolution.

The cosmic wheel we name time,

Revolving, poised for another turn.

Juncture between the ages,

Marked by this solstice.

Not the end of the world, but the world as we know it.

One revolution around the sun just a blip

In this expanse of space, one lifetime just enough

To notice a shift between eternities.

Our own Mayan calendar—

Take responsibility for history,

Look around.

We know change when we see it.

Let’s shout it from the treetops.


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Simple Things Which Are Lovely: Four Poems

by Caroline M. Rogers

Still There

Unfurl your arms as you wake my dear
and find my elbows with your sleep-soft hands.
Sneak me close in your recesses
still present with the amber breathing of campfire,
the sticky, unyielding patches of pine on your skin
like the hoary, crystallized disorder of honey
and your hair dried in lake water,
speckled with pollen.
We took the kayaks out today
to spy the root-woven steps
that would lead us to our honeymoon,
there along the lily pad shores
of a dozen or so campsites
nestled in my mind.
If we were to marry,
should a pair of porcelain owls top our cake,
I’d find you happily
among the faces
where my toes meet the grasses
and fresh basil has been potted
to scent the day with the sharp
inhabitable wholeness
you feel when you look up
for the first time all evening and see
“Ah, there are the stars again.”

Set Your Intention

The meticulously arranged mess
of ferns-
a sea of tethered paddle boats
awash atop the silent stacks
of dried, torrid leaves,
green tips stretched up in
endless directions
pulling down energy
as verdant as the
second just before
the drummer’s next beat.
In this forest made of shy thunder-
barely drops
touching, pressing, plinking each green,
the gentle pulls of ukulele strings.
Voices on the porch rub themselves
up and down
and over tree bark.
The plaid of their singing is chilled, tomato bisque-
thick, perfect, sprinkled with zest
of chives and parsley,
each tone a ringing dahlia petal
nestled into the core,
shades changing circularly, evenly.
My heart beats happy; it’s filled with light.

Always in Want

Electrified by doubt
I feel my body, constantly, a directionless
airplane, winding down from
the maple,
hovering intermittently
with not enough understanding of the earth
to guess whether
I will reach any sort of potential on the ground.
I love you,
but this book arrived today
just full of poems by a woman I know.
While I am desperately writing this,
my floating-round feeling
(and your talk of Republicans on the pillow next to me)
leaves me one-winged, antsy,
dipping my finger over and over again into the too hot tea.
It is not my pen that’s out of ink
and the night
will inch by dreadfully now,
dreams impinged upon by Emerson’s dire
reminders about the letting go of “nonsense”
which I feel to have committed lavishly
in the presence of this woman’s book.
You sleep
and hours drop themselves like wishful pennies
on the taut surface of wherever I happen to be.
I feel the leaves dropping in my eve dusk bones.
The electricity pouring over our bed is
linear,
with fewer openings for interpretation
than the moon herself
or the cool darkening of the river this time of year-
water turned so black and clear
that you can barely stand to touch it.

Zen and the Art of Blueberry Picking

I’m not really one for meditating
which I know is backwards in a
hanging upside-down sort of way,
when you really meant to be upright.
Each month as I peruse my Yoga magazine,
I generate poses in my mind,
imagine each stretch,
and commit to sitting quietly for at least fifteen minutes a day.
But those quiet moments often amount
to the tender tearing of lettuce,
getting ready for dinner,
or listening to the fan
as I straighten out the bed
before we climb in.
Sometimes they come in
waiting criss-cross applesauce
in the grass
for the heron
to make his way skyward from the pond to his next perch.
But this is really it I think to myself,
here on the edge of the lake,
one foot in the kayak, one on a rock.
I’ve really got it all here—
the balance of my pose,
the soft, focused plucking
of blueberries,
dropping them into the drysack that fits snuggly into my
sailing mobile.
I watch you methodically and silently
taking them
three, four at a time
with a gentle roll of your fingers,
from the topmost branches.
I hear the water moving against
the roots of the bushes
and gently pushing the kayak and myself up against the shore
with each small wave.
Steamboat Willy, the oldest boat on the lake rings his vintage bell
and for a moment I’ve lost my contemplative state,
realizing that I’ve become Sal—
more blues in my mouth than there are in my bucket.
I wonder if you see me,
my lips sealed purple
and I try to manage a small handful in one picking,
as you do,
only to see several drop down into the water
with the most musical sort of plop you could imagine.
I am so present, so right here.
The clouds are nearly audible;
they’re breathing.
My toes grip the moss
and this is really all there is,
all there ever needs to be—
from the time I was five
until here with you,
this very advanced, concentrated, twenty-something
kind of meditation.

Caroline will be featured in an upcoming publictation from Steady Moon Press called, The Poet’s Word.  It is set to be released in early January and will be for sale on Amazon.


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Breath

Lindsey

I rented a dance studio today.  The room was large.  I felt lost at first, outnumbered by its spaciousness.  Moving within, my limbs wanted to consume the space like hungry vines, their wingspan growing into its emptiness.  I needed a vast space to practice with the specific idea of breath in mind; respiration, health, emotion, wind, atmosphere.   I held breath in thought to see how I could transfer its mental weight into the body.  I found myself in a stream of images, a spider web of the places that breath travels, from air, sky, breeze, to sensations, disease, health, repose, flutter, to chest, belly and lung, to love, loss and retrieval.  I found myself wondering what the rhythm of a lung sounds like, what beats a breath composes.  Slowly, in wondering, a pulse flowered with feet and hands.  One face of its rhythm manifested in turns, while another in crooked contractions cornered by the expansion of breast bone and ribs. 

Lungs, breath, air, moving forward and backward in the subtly of a single breath, these themes have continued to emerge and re-emerge, forming a pattern to which I want to respond.  I have been brainstorming themes to work with for a new performance.  I have thought of the earth, the state of its ether, that which we inhale, and the detriment derived from a magnitude of thoughtless action.  I have thought of rhythm, a mosaic of beats to represent the body’s own rhythmic patterns.  I have thought of stillness verses motion, based on the borders of my telephone booth and the patience to breathe my way forward.  I have thought of health: the body and the mind and the spirit needing breath for life, sustenance, peacefulness, connection, to function in wholeness.  And I have thought of our emotions as conductors of the heart and lungs in their symphony of pumping, constricting, expanding, holding love and grief like water to tissue, holding the seat of our sensations in great gusts of fullness or shortness of inhalations.  As I keep a notebook of the themes that have been inspired to mind through books, images, films, daily moments and conversations, I realize that in each of these themes is the act and weight of respiration. 

Two weeks ago, in a sudden moment of awareness, I found myself captured by the significance of the ability to take a full breath.  I also found myself in a position of time and choice.  My recent work had come to an end and I had the opportunity to spend a month in Vermont to let emerge what could, to wake up in the same room for a series of weeks for a sense of consistency and simplicity, and to see about a love that has been growing like spring in this midst of an ever cooling fall.  A week and a half has now passed and I spy a nest being woven straw by straw, one of possibilities as I am hand-delivered perspective, transitioning me from feeling enclosed in a motionless wade to being deliberately still in its limbo, and curiously aware of nascent motion.  In my retreat, I am taking notice that from interconnected themes to the most mundane daily deeds, from webs of possibilities to perspectives emerging in an unforced flow, it is all, it is all, about breath.