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by Karan Henley Haugh

It was a normal spring and the cows were bearing their progeny without concern.  Each cow which had been artificially inseminated or mated by the clean-up bull, a monstrous beast mounting the cows in the serene autumn days.  Now it was spring and the birth of the calves was uneventful as expected except for the birth of a calf and a free martin or twin as they are called.

Which one would be the free martin would be the smaller or less promising of the calves.  This calf would be either put on another cow which lost her calf, bottle feed till it was old enough to survive on its own, or sold for veal.  Her husband had decided on the latter.  But his wife was outraged at the thought of turning a beautiful calf into prime beef especially at its early age.

She begged and begged to be able to raise the free martin by bottle feeding it and finally although a hard willed man set in his ways, he succumbed to her.  She did not know why or how, since he almost never went her way and she felt herself generally to be a servant of his will.  But one evening, he showed up with a bottle of milk fresh from the nearby dairy.  He showed her how to bottle feed the little thing and she undertook to keep it alive to be able to enjoy some kind of youth and adulthood, maybe to be judged suitable to be kept in the herd by the end of fall, when so many, as he put it, were sent off to McDonald’s.

On the hay she fed and caressed the baby calf which she called Freedom.  The calf looked up at her with her soft brown eyes.  It was as though she realized how her life had been saved.  It was as though she appreciated all the care that was taken to keep her alive.  She gratefully drank her milk until it was all gone.  The woman petted her tenderly, calling her by her name, Freedom.  And it was just as though the calf realized her name and the importance of it.  She regarded the woman with an understanding in her eyes as though she realized the important decision made to keep her alive.

The time progressed and with it week by week Freedom grew and developed.  Before much longer she was able to be set free in the herd to manage for herself, feeding herself on the field grass and the hay in large bales which he moved out to them in the fields and the square bales of hay and alfalfa which he loosened from their orange cords and threw down from the concrete walkway into the barnyard.

She always looked for Freedom who had a distinctive circle on her brown Hereford head.  She called to her and Freedom would always look up with recognition and a shine, it seemed, in her eyes.  The woman was hoping that she would turn out to be considered fit to join the herd, to not be sent off to the meat market by the end of fall.  But as it turned out, her husband had made arrangements to sell her to a family who was interested in a farmraised cow for beef.

She was distraught by the thought that all the care and attention and love which she had shown this animal would be lost, that Freedom in effect would not be free.  It was on a weekend that the family came with a trailor and took their beef.  She talked with the couple.  They seemed like very nice people, the kind of people who wouldn’t cut up Freedom into meat.  But that was, after all, what they bought her for–to provide a wholesome source of meat since they knew that her husband did not give the cows any chemicals to spur growth in his animals.  To her mind, Freedom was about to be turned into steaks and hamburgers and there was nothing she could do to prevent that.

It so happened that she was cooking lunch one day when she got a call.  It was from the woman who had bought Freedom.  She spoke very admirably of the cow and said how it seemed so very gentle as though it had had considerable human contact.  The woman told her that Freedom had been raised as a free martin and had been bottle fed by her and cared for by her.  The owner told her that she could sense this was the case.  Freedom was so gentle, so wonderful, that the family could not go along with their original plan.  As it turned out, they had decided to keep Freedom out on their extensive pasture.  Freedom had in fact become their pet.


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by Sitora


—where expansion begins
—All is in One
And One is in all

One is everywhere
and its Whole

Every “good” or “bad” which comes upon me
—Is a toy, created by my mind
In order to entertain,
Its tiny self
Under the sweet attack of forgetfulness

Silence Of The Night

In the silence of the night,
my heart is conquered again
Where I drop all my thoughts
and start observing the Game
My tears are wiped,
and I am being whispered
the tales of Infinite
which are so innocent, believe me
Leaving me no longer sad
Regarding dreams I’ve lately had
about the games of good and bad

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I Realize Now

by Kyle Vincent

I realize now
What would I be
but nothing more
than entity
trying to find
a moment in time
on which to grasp
to have a pass
into realm materiality

would you rather claim
name to domain
or absolute fame in eternity


Master of a thousand lives holding them as one
inside his mind he dwells in decadent delight
no one an adversary in passing this test
no god to hold glory as any threat
hearts wander and collide in your name
in a space where there are nothings
and forever the pawns will send off their beasts of war
and their emissaries of light
This is not the place for the master
the Master is this place entire
basking in its own design
he is become the hunter
King of the Jungle of Men
Server and Protector to the Beast
and Worshipper of His own Power
his Christ-within ever burning bright

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I Remember the Day She Collapsed

By Jeff Root

I killed my own mother. Or at least that’s what I thought for the longest time. I can still remember the day she collapsed in the hallway right in front of me. Her last words were “Jeff, I’m dizzy, ”  before she laid face down. That’s the moment I called 911. Before the operator could even answer, I had my 250 pound mother flipped onto her back. Mind you, I’m 165. I knew what I was going to have to do —C.P.R. I just needed some…confirmation. The 911 operator went about her training and stated, “911, WHERE is your emergency?” I rambled off the address of our home, and the state that my mother was in without being asked. She confirmed that my mind was where it needed to be. Good. I’m not losing my mind. She walked me thorough how to perform C.P.R., so that’s what I did. Breath into her mouth twice with her nose plugged. Press on her chest 15 times. Repeat Again. And again. And again. And again.

Somewhere during this process I decided to go and open the door because I knew an ambulance, armed with the most technological advancements of medical science, was on its way. I had to stop though. Was that the mistake I made that killed her? No matter. The choice was made. Back to what I had originally started. I informed the operator that I stopped to open the door so the ambulance crew could easily identify our house. Our house wasn’t exactly on a main road, or easy to find. Breathe, breathe. Press, press, press, press, press, press, CRACK!!!!!!! “WHAT THE FUCK??” was my first thought. Even though I knew what just happened. I just broke her ribs. That same instant, my mind went to: did I do something wrong? Is that supposed to happen? Should I keep going? Should I stop? Should I only breathe into her mouth now? Is there a different process now? I just killed her. Didn’t I? That’s when the tears started to fall. My moment of weakness during the whole ordeal. I knew the 911 operator knew I was about to panic. And so did I. But before the 911 operator could tell me, “you’re doing a good job, sir,” I had already sucked it up and had my mind back in instinct mode.

15 minutes is an eternity when you’re waiting for an ambulance. They finally showed up. They dragged her out into the living room, hooked her up to a defibrillator and stuck a tube down her throat. They squeezed on that bladder to make her breathe. They shocked her with high voltage to reset her heart rhythm. They failed to do so. I can’t believe I had to be the one to say, “she’s gone” and mean it. I had to be the one to call her parents, my grandparents, at 2 in the morning, keep my composure, and break it to them gently. That’s what I planned on doing, but that’s not what happened. I remember that phone conversation.



“Mom collapsed in the hallway, aaaaaand an ambulance crew is here aaaaand……they called it.”

“Called what?”


“OH MY GOD JEFFERY!!! I’ll wake grandpa up and we’ll be on the way.”

“I’m sorry grandma.”

“It’s not your fault Jeffery. See you when we get there. I love you.”

“Love you too.”

Then I had to call my younger brother and his wife. He wasn’t too receptive to getting a phone call at 2 in the morning either. By that time the only ride that I could arrange was via police. Who really wants to be in the back of a cop car? But it was the best I could do. They offered, so why not take advantage of my tax dollars? They’ve put me in lock down countless times, might as well get something good out of it, right?
After everyone in the vicinity that I had woken arrived, the chaplain said a prayer. I came to grips with reality a little bit. All of her closest family standing above her corpse, each and everyone of us closed that prayer differently.
Amen. Bahai. Blessed be.
We all had a different idea of what the afterlife was.
We all had our own dreams.

I fought as hard as I could to keep her house, but it wasn’t meant to be. That was her house, not mine. I had to walk away. A few weeks later, I packed my back pack. grabbed my tent, and set out on foot. I didn’t have any idea where I was going, but I ended up where I was meant to be: homeless. The bank came and repossessed the house. I left before they could come face to face with me about it. I knew what was going to happen, I knew I couldn’t afford that place on my own. I tried for 3 months. After that, I was falling short. I knew I had to move on. I knew that wasn’t MY dream. That was hers.

Her death was the most devastating event of my life.
It was also the most liberating.
I gave up her dreams. And started chasing my own.
For a while I thought my dreams included my ex, alcohol, and eventually, methamphetamine.
In the past 3 years since her passing I’ve given up the white dope, moved the green dope from the category of necessity to luxury. The same for alcohol. It may not be much, but its better than I’ve ever done in my entire life. I have my name on one of the most expensive apartments in the entire city now. Not much holds me back anymore. I have some more shit I need to accomplish.

And by the way, I didn’t kill my mom. It took a woman who had been a nurse longer than I’ve been alive, and broken more ribs doing the same thing for the same reason, to convince me otherwise. Thank you so much grandma. Sorry I had to unload on you. But thank you for not smacking the living fuck out of me for being so stupid when I asked you, “do you know what its like to break somebody’s ribs?” and then realizing at that moment you’ve broken hundreds, if not, thousands, of them, before you could say
”yes, I do,” and realize that you weren’t lying.
That’s quite a legacy for you to live up to mom. That’s quite a legacy for me to fulfill myself.
Forgive me for failing. But I’m at least going to try.
I had to start somewhere, right?
I no longer wonder if you’re proud of me,
because I am, and that’s what it has always been about, right?

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Life in the Eyes of a Living Ancestor

by Fred Perry

Life in the eyes of a living ancestor…
Life, sweet beautiful life. Life is so amazing that the littlest things to some seem like an early Christmas gift to me. It caresses my soul, the wonders of this universe and all the other galaxies out there, what’s out there? If only there was a way to know. A way to explore the universe like we explore the streets. I envy Star Wars saga, I would love to see the crazy questions that builds up inside me that I feel like wont be answered. Like who else is out there? We can’t be the only existence out here, if we’re here who’s to say there’s not others in this solar system or in other galaxies out there questioning the same thing. Growing up, loving, exploring, entertaining, doubting, like us. Maybe there is a planet of souls where we all go after passing, a beautiful place mistaken for the clouds in the sky. With no leader or followers, just the thing we’ve been living, learning for all the time here, as if here is a test of the strength of our souls, that what we learn (In LIFE not school) reflects that one day we’ll say goodbye to living and time to die. Maybe dead is another type of living not the opposite, that dead is what we are in the after-world as we are living in this now-world. Where time isn’t a factor because for the rest of solar existence we will roam that planet, the planet known as rest, a long vacation we go to rest forever.

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Are You Expanding?

by Jyoti Conradi

Are You expanding? Are you becoming larger and more free every day?

You and Your world is meant to constantly enlarge…expand… this is the Nature of LIFE and Your IN-Born Evolutionary Purpose unfolding from the center of your Being… This is Your Spirit calling You to expand beyond it’s previous limitations and karma of your Soul – into Your Fullness … like the phoenix rising from the ashes of Your previous conditions, your previous beliefs, your previous limited experiences…

Every limitation you face… I mean every limitation you face… you are meant to Evolve Beyond – not cower or withdraw or feel victimized, beaten, alone, etc … this is You UN-living your life …Your life, un-lived – this is believing in external seeming limitations and fear instead of Who You Really Are!

No longer allow your self cower in defeat! You are the Brimming Glory of Your Very Precious Life – You are the Champion… You already have all the necessary support you will ever need! Let’s face it – You cannot count upon another person to save you, rescue you, or even support you in your emotional “need” – You Are this for Yourself, You have the innate capacity to BE your own greatest support (I can show you)  – and then the MAGIC is that you will never again “need” for anything outside of you – as when you ARE that for Your Self first, everyone in your life gets the “unspoken memo” and lines up in favor of You… in support of You -because YOU are in support of You first.

People will come to TRUST You because you are trust-worthy when you value and support your Self first. Then, you have the capacity to support others, from Overflowing JOY … not obligation. As you Honor Your Self, others naturally Honor you. As you appreciate the Miraculous Being that YOU are and LOVE your Self UNconditionally – You experience that mirrored back to you in numerous relationships. It cannot BE any other way in this dualistic, polarity we are living within.

And if you have a body, you are living in polarity. And… YES… the polarities are shifting and becoming less (harshly) dualistic upon our magical ball of Life spiraling though the Universe that we call Earth – Home – Gaia – Mother … and as long as you have the GIFT of Life here … You are 100% … yes 100 Percent responsible for allowing the Miracles that you seek, the preferences that you prefer, the life that you have imagined.

You are NOT at the mercy of anything external to You. Everything external to You is an Effect… the CAUSE is within You.

You are a huge morphic field generator that manifests AS Your Life, as your world, as the people whom you live and interact with. They will do what they do (effect) and they will show up in your life the ways that they do (effect) as You are the FULL (yet awakening consciously) generator of your experience. You, and the unseen blueprint constellations within your Soul are the Cause of every experience in your life.

No it is not self punishment….the life that you are living…the disconnection, the fear the seeming lack that you experience. It is just the unconscious patterns and constellations(stirring in their evolutionary spiraling path of transformation) in your SOUL that you were born with – that only Your Spirit and Your Love can transform and evolve.

This is what this time is about! The Poles within YOU are shifting, not the Earth’s poles! You shift your polarity every time you Transform and evolve the (cause) constellations and patterns of limitations in your very own Soul. You are meant to evolve! Now. You are meant to evolve beyond these old contracts, limitations, hesitations, restrictions, karmic ties – they can be forgiven, released permanently and completed NOW – without the need for living it all out in the illusion of time and lifetimes…! No therapy can help you here baby! Its built within You – not as a structure or method outside of you to control, identify, name, quantify, or “heal” the drama for you to be able to “live” with it all and “deal” with life. No – this is Radical Transformation, from within the center of your Own Being.

This is the NEW Life, the NEW possibility… the NEW Potential .. available to You now.

Don’t bother trying to get your mind to understand “how?” – we are talking about a space from far beyond where your mind can currently go. And, this space is creating what your mind has the ability to perceive and think… Although we can help the mind to understand it’s place in the new order of things…

This is why all the “self help” and “healing” techniques have failed you.

All these systems are predicated upon using your mind to follow something that someone else had “success” with, (even if it is beyond conscious, cosmic or “energy work”) and in so doing You unknowingly negate Your Own Living INtelligence within YOU that Knows the Way…that is constantly calling you to FREE Your Self and Evolve beyond your limitations… NOT through hard work, therapy, or linear processes, protocols, techniques, or even belief systems or “better” morphic fields… All these roads lead eventually to delusion or the illusion of “healing” while the cause of the wound still lives and you, and your life, become more crippled and small while your thoughts tell you that “I am healed!”

What? Why? Because the Universe is manifest in Perfect Balance in Polarity. If you “do” a “technique” (effect) to “remove” a “negative state” or dis-ease in your life (effect) without upgrading and re-balancing your Self (Soul Blueprint Constellations) in Polarity, something else of that same frequency vibration WILL fill the void in your life – the space in Your Polarity cannot be filled with “higher energy or light” as many “healers” tell you … those vibrations and frequency oscillations cannot not fit into the void that the previous limitation filled. And, the challenge that you faced will be faced again and again until you shift into a Higher Polarity Balance. Your void will be filled with another experience / effect (usually in another aspect of your life) of the exact same vibration of what you believed you “healed.”

This is the result of working effects, no matter how well-intentioned. In order to allow Transformation and Evolution – you must address the Cause. The Cause is ALWAYS in the Soul. Your Soul is the Blueprint Template of Manifestation and Limitation for every aspect of Your Life. It CAN be upgraded, in fact, it is meant to! Your Soul is the vehicle template of manifestation of EVERY experience, condition, belief system, etc… in your life. If you want to change anything in your life – you must address the cause of it in your Soul. Otherwise, it will be lifetimes of work, struggle, and you will never reach your Potential to Evolve and Transform All Life – Living Miracles every day, naturally.

Now … Your current polarity is in harmony with the entire Universe right now, no matter how “bad” you may be feeling or experiencing your life. This is a Universe of Perfect Balance and Polarity. When Your polarity shifts, you shift naturally and immediately what is possible for others through shifting the Global and Universal Polarity. Yes. You are that powerful, and that important to all life.

As you Truly evolve and advance through Love, as Love… You automatically open to transforming and evolving your Soul’s constellations of Polarity limitations – Your entire life is balanced in a whole new paradigm of polarity… a much less harsh polarity, where you have a large degree of neutrality, where before your polarity had one tiny point of neutrality. The larger your space of neutrality, the larger you expand through Love and the more happy and at peace you live. You live from a higher octave of polarity.

How? you ask… Well, there is no “how” that the mind can follow. There are no “steps” to climb to be “worthy enough” there is no manual or formula to complete, there is nothing to “earn” or “acquire” or “reach” in order to access and Live from the Love that You are – which IS the most Powerful Technology we have! And, it is within You!

The Transformation happens as You are ready and willing to stop the search for more information and simply BE – right in the center of it all – then, Transformation and Polarity shift can occur right through you – Simply, Permanently, completely… transforming EVERY aspect of Your life – upgrading what you are capable of Living, Being, Doing, Experiencing, and Enjoying!

Your polarity Shifts! And…

You still have a form, a body, and life complete with relationships, family, etc… yet, you are living from a different polarity paradigm that is much less harsh in the dualities you have known previously. You are able to see and know and feel things from new levels and have a clear knowingness of Being. You can see the True intent behind the actions and behaviors of others…(invaluable!) You can see where everything is Sourced from. You experience a higher level of constant joy and happiness that is free from condition or reason. You find that you are inspiring and uplifting others simply by breathing. You see that You have such a very important purpose here upon this spiraling ball of life – and You Know Deep Compassion for others and how they live.

You no longer need to “shield” and “protect” yourself from the harshness of life, or the insanity or chaos of others … you are ok with it all, just as it is… because You are ok with You and the Dynamic Miracle You are Living as Your Life. You know your Purpose and You simply live it without trying…

If you are still using your mind to guide your life, this is especially difficult to grasp, and only increasing in difficulty until you allow Your Heart – which has a much higher intelligence than your mind, to open, create, and guide your life beyond anything you can imagine. Yes… beyond anything you can imagine, beyond anything You are now capable of imagining. Your mind is a limited tool, meant to be the re-aligned as the Devoted Servant to your Heart…

The mind creates necessary structures for functionality in form. And the aligned mind will create expandable structures that evolve with the Directives of the Heart, and will also be willing to abandon outworn structures instantly without regret when the Heart spirals instantly into a new higher paradigm of Living. The mind will then align and say “Yes, I am here is service of all that you Love.”

All structure is ultimately meant to be evolved beyond entirely. This is the dichotomy of the mind and the struggle of the ego. After all, structure is the effect. First and Primary and everlasting eternally is the Cause. The Cause lives in You and through You as the Impulse to Expand Love and Life … and to Transform anything that stands as limitation. This is what is meant by evolution.

We are the Creators of our Experience of Reality. We evolve through Love, as Love is here to expand what is possible now and forevermore. Love is the Answer to all.

And yes, in our current world, the male dominance in our culture (left brain logic dominant orientation) has led to the sacrifice of the Sacred Heart (right brain connection to the Source of All – Our Heart Intelligence that sees, understands and Knows without knowing the “how” first.)

Within our Sacred Heart Lives our Innate Knowingness with the most elegant Divine Evolutionary Design encoded within it to Transform and Evolve our Soul – without the need for struggle and suffering and lifetimes of karmic debt repayment adn soul limitations.

You can trust your Heart to naturally place you smack-dab in the middle of the areas of your life that are Open to Evolving. The Heart expands – this is it’s True Nature. When You look at the True Nature of ALL LIFE – it Expands. The whole universe and all creation is in a constant state of expansion – and yes, there are periods of natural rest and rejuvenation, yet the larger cycles are always in motion – no matter how you divide it, quantify it, limit, or segregate it with your mind – you cannot stop it. You are part of it – You are part of the Infinite Expansion of Life. and, All the parts of You that try to keep you safe and small must be sacrificed in devotion to the Sacred Heart that lives within You.

No worry, No fear. Let it go.

Yes, let … it … go …

now is the perfect time!

feel how your breath is deepening now …

feel how your mind is slowing …

Feel how you are able to notice the light and space around you …

the nuance …

the context …

it is not you …

Are You in … ?

Notice … you are now aware of the subtle sounds and nuances of context around you …

notice how your lungs feel more able to Breathe … fully …

… the letting go of your whole body through your exhale, like weight being dropped …

breath being expanded …


You are safe …

You are free to let it all go …

let it all go…


You can walk Your path, knowing you are aligned with the Love that You are – with Your Heart guiding You free… guiding you home…into this very moment – this very experience.

It is all so rich with context, nuance, subtlety, color, light, sound, smell, nectar of life all holding you within this elegant moment …

See how the whole Universe Loves You …

Holds You …

Yes …

This is your life …

You are not what you have thought.

You are not what you have the capacity to think.

You are infinite Love – You can only BE experienced …

and You can only experience from your Self …

see how your surroundings were made up …

look around …

Feel the infinite nature of Life surrounding you –

Allowing this virtual reality experience … for your benefit …

This is temporary.

All of this is temporary.

Everything you thought that you were is temporary.

All your thoughts are temporary.

Your body is temporary.

Your mind is temporary.

Your children are temporary.

Your mate is temporary.

Your Life is temporary.

Who are You ? then? now?

Do you see?

You are a dancing particle of Infinite Light made manifest in temporary form … You are made manifest through the vehicle of LOVE …

Love is Who You Are …

If you are still afraid to Do what, and more importantly BE WHo You Are…
You must throw off the limitations, the lacking nagging voices that are here to keep you “safe” and take command of this ship through the vehicle that brought you into this manifest experience of form – Love.

Love is generated and connected to Infinity through your Heart…and let me tell You – it can MOVE MOUNTAINS and create, manifest, or release anything instantly! Love is the most powerful technology we have upon this planet and within this Universe!

This is what breathes You… Love

Love is Who You Are.

I am here in Devotion to You.

I see You.

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